Life in Never-Ever-Land

  • a short fairy story, by HANS CHRISTMAS ROBINSON (or one of the Brothers Very Grimm). Fact or fiction? Have your say!



Let me tell you a little story. It’s about a place called Never-Ever-Land, that used to be a very nice place to live and was then known as Whitby.

In 1974, a disaster befell Whitby as two big unfriendly giants were thrust upon the people these two giants were called Scaboril and Norksicc and they had an instant effect on the lives of the people of Whitby and their lives would be changed forever.

The name Whitby has very nearly been wiped from the face of the earth by Scaboril and Norksicc, in fact, no little children are born in Never-Ever-Land any more; they are all born in the homeland of Scaboril and Norksicc.

Let me bring you up to date with some of the goings on in Never-Ever-Land and dispel some myths that are being perpetrated (and oft denied) by both Scaboril and Norksicc.

The infamous Park and Ride

According to the fairy tale, there were plans for a system whereby the residents of the hamlet would not be plagued by hordes of vehicles, but that a safe haven for these would be found on the borders of the hamlet. However, this has not been fully supported by Scaboril, as it would appear that it does not wish to do anything to effect the health of its favourite cash-cow (the harbour car parks that earn an income in excess of £1 million pounds per year), and when they do finally agree to do something, they put forward a proposal so outlandish and unpalatable to the local population that it is sure to drag on and on –  thereby protecting the precious cash-cow for a while longer.

Whitby Hospital and the Police station.

Now this is a long on-going saga. When this hospital was built it, was hailed throughout the land as the way forward. In fact, it was said that all the towns in the kingdom should follow the way of the good folk of Whitby. However, in Never-Ever-Land this has all changed. The intention now is to close this fine establishment and to also close the home and work place of Sir John Peel’s successors (Whitby Police Station) It is a fact that discussions have taken place with a big bad developer (who is no stranger to Never-Ever-Land –  more later in the story). [Boo! Hiss!]. This fine hospital stands in the grounds of the Town of Whitby’s former War Memorial (that’s why we got a new one; they intend to destroy all trace of the old one). The War Memorial Hospital was built with money raised by public subscription after the end of the first World War, and as such I believe that it (and the site it stood on) belonged to the people of Whitby – not some large ogre.

This fine haven for the sick and infirmed has systematically been closed bit by bit and only this month they have started to get rid of the rest of the staff by offering them voluntary redundancies and generally sickening them off to such an extent that morale is not just low it is in fact none existent.

Mark my words, this hospital is going to close. Have you noticed that all the prominent people that were have now vanished, or at least the false ones have. Why is that do you think? I will tell you; the ones that are in the know (and you know who I mean) have got inside knowledge and, in fact, I believe that some of them are involved in one way or another with the big bad developer [Boo! Hiss!] who seems determined to take over the hamlet of Never-Ever-Land and impose its will on the people of the hamlet.

I know what you are asking yourself “Where will the sick and infirmed be taken care of?”

Have no worries, because a very large charitable organisation with the help of the big bad developer [Boo! Hiss!] are going to provide a solution. Not only will the solution provide help and succour for the sick and needy, it will also fill the coffers of the rich and greedy by providing a site for the provision of the population of Never-Ever-Land to restock their larders (and their Ladas) by providing both supermarket and garage facilities. And for those people who have no car? Fear not, as some “affordable” hamlets will be provided by the benevolent big bad developer [Boo! Hiss!].

I call upon the leaders of the two big giants to come forward and say that this story is a complete work of fiction. But I don’t think I will hold my breath whilst I await their reply, as I do not think they will comment at all. They are a very Foxy lot and I know that you will not see a word written in the local parchment (title “The Whitby Gazette”), which I understand is about to change its name to “The Never-Ever-Publish Gazette”.

This story: is it fact, or is it fiction?

I will let you make up your own minds. But don’t rush to a decision.

Stop and think a little bit about what has been going on over the past few years.

[Derek Robinson: 21st August 2013]

Park-&-Ride articles